Self care and self love have gone really trending with the millennials. Call it the demand of the generation who have really lost empathy towards themselves or the pressure of being loved rightly by others, self care definitely needs a lot of attention at this time. 

But, hey wait! 

With self love, did the first thought that come to your mind was about pampering yourself with a spa session or going for a trip? Did it involve a lot of extravagant things like nail sessions, organisations, etc? I am quite sure it did. Well, do not feel guilty because these things are important too. All of these and more are definitely required to keep us refreshed. 

But, in this blog, we are talking about deeper self care and self love. We are talking about improving ourselves to become better versions by recognising and removing our toxic behaviour.

Sounds tough? It, really isn’t!

Let us see what are certain toxic behavioural pattern we all imbibe and we have to get rid of those. It is highly needed for our mental and physical well being. It would actually be self love. 

1. Not Asking For Help

Most of the time, most of our issues would be resolved in a blink of an eye if we stop torturing ourselves and simply ask for help. Always remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness and you are not asking for too much from others. 

2. Cribbing But Not Improving

Okay, be honest with yourself now. How many times have you cribbed about a certain situation or a certain thing going on in your life? Now, think about what have you done to improve it and to what extent did you actually work for it? If you haven’t done anything to improve it or if you weren’t consistent, it’s high time to change the strategies.  

3. Not Realising Your Mistakes

It is very easy to blame others for the things they did to us. And it is equally tough to accept that we too might have been toxic to someone at some point of time. It’s not you, it’s the human tendency. Well, it still is toxic. But, as soon as you start to realise your mistakes, you will have the intent to reduce them, hence it would result in self improvement. 

4. Reacting Instantly To Triggers 

Having triggers is not wrong, reacting to triggers is also not wrong, but reacting aggressively to triggers that hampers your peace of mind is wrong. What you need to work on is how to react on triggers and be mindful about it. Let’s say you have a habit of abusing every time you are angry. It is wrong for you and for the other person. Here’s where you need to be mindful to improve yourself. 

5. Not Recognising Your Triggers

You can only improve your reactions to triggers when you recognise them. One of the biggest traits of toxic people is that they are not able to recognise their triggers and henceforth they are not able to improve themselves. A quick tip to recognise your triggers is to rewind and think what makes you angry, what makes you behave in a certain way, and what makes you do things that you usually wouldn’t.

6. Procrastinating And Later Belittling

Procrastination is common. But, continuing it for eternity is definitely not healthy. What is even unhealthier is procrastinating and then blaming/belittling yourself for it to an extent that you start to live under self guilt. Start beating procrastination with some mind exercises. 

7. Not Being Emphatic Towards Yourself

It is toxic guys, believe it or not! If you won’t treat yourself right, most people will not. With constant self deprecation, you are just lowering your standards. Positive self criticism is okay but not losing self empathy. 

8. Absorbing and Surrendering to Gaslighting

Certain toxic people in your lives might gaslight you. Gaslighting is blaming others for their own mistake. If you are being gaslighted, it is hard to recognise. So, most people simply start absorbing to the gaslighting behaviour to only feel bad about themselves for something they are not even responsible for. 

9. Being Stuck In a Situation For a Long Time

I am talking about any tough situation of your life. If there is something that is bothering you and you are not doing anything to get out of it, you are being extremely harsh on yourself. You definitely do not deserve this. You need to either break it or make it because existing in the same place is just the opposite of self love.  

10. Not Having a Pattern To Treat Your Triggers

I talked about triggers above. If you have recognised your triggers, now is the time to treat them. You can treat your triggers through a pattern. If you have abusive anger issues then breaking your abusive behaviour could be one pattern and so on. 

11. Glorifying Bare Minimum Behaviour Towards You

We all deserve to be treated nicely and we all must treat important people in our lives nicely. If people are doing just the basic for you and you are glorifying it, you are doing wrong. Embrace it but do not glorify it. You are just living under the shell of an averagely treated behaviour. 

12. Constant Comparing With Others 

We all are guilty of doing this. Especially in this era where everyone is showcasing their best lives on the internet, we are bound to compare ourselves even if we don’t intend to. But, if everyone is doing, it means nobody has it all. So, this comparison actually makes no sense and only hampers your inner peace. 

13. Not Having The Gratitude Attitude 

I am not talking about the toxic positivity here but a genuine gratitude attitude related to all the good things that we have and that we do. If we simply look around us, there is a lot to appreciate. Always cribbing is actually not a great idea. 

14. Not Expressing Your Emotions Correctly 

As I said, reacting to triggers should be done in a balanced way. If you are angry, always abusing isn’t good but so is not bottling up our anger. There is a method to express every kind of emotions correctly and on time. Let’s say you are stressed about something and don’t know what to do. Simply talking with someone could help you. Same goes for the good emotions. 

15. Self Love Involves Taking Breaks 

Lastly, one of the most toxic things we do to ourselves is that we never take a break. Not taking a break (from work, stressful situations, daily life) ends up making us irritated which isn’t great.

How many triggers could you recognise within yourself? I am quite sure you might have did some of it. But, let me tell you that it’s okay if you did. We are humans and we tend to be wrong most of the times. 

Do you know what is not okay? 

It is not realising that we are wrong and still punishing ourselves in some way or the other. That is not self love. Recognising these and more of the toxic pattern that resides within us is the first step to removing it and bettering ourselves. Trust me, even the therapists say that realising that we have issues with ourselves is the first step to treating it. 

Are you ready to move ahead these toxic patterns of yours and improve yourself? 

Let’s do it together. 

Let’s make our lives more about ourselves.